Changing Church: Marg Herder, “We Can Know Her,” Timely Song and Commentary

Marg Herder

It’s not just about the First Amendment rights of Chik-Fil-A management to support groups that oppress LGBTQ persons and to speak faulty, ill-informed biblical interpretations that incite hatred and bigotry. It’s about the real lives of our real friends, church members, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, neighbors. It’s about the terrible pain and abuse they’ve suffered from people who have failed to value and truly love them as who they are just as they are: marvelous human beings created in the Divine image.“Those who say, ‘I love God,’ and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen” (1 John 4:20-21).

In “We Can Know Her,” Marg Herder sings from her deep faith and personal experience. She challenges us to truly know God and Her Son: We Can Know Her.

We Can Know Her

(words and music by Marg Herder, performed and recorded by Marg Herder)

How can we hope to survive if our souls ain’t alive
And how can we ever escape if you’re sealin’ our fate
How your children must fear, to see your love disappear
You don’t know Her
You tell us what you know but you can’t bring yourself to look in our eyes
We don’t see what you’re gonna lose by thinking everyone could walk in Her light
You say the Passion was real, so what did Her Son reveal
Well it sure isn’t what you’re sayin’ now, that we’re somehow unworthy to share in true fellowship with you. If you think that, you don’t know Her. So if your time really is tickin’ away like you say you’d better come to know Her.
We can know you.
You can know us.
We can know Her.

Lyrics and sound recording (c) 1997 by Marg Herder – used by permission. Unauthorized duplication or distribution prohibited.

Marg comments on the meaning of this song:

We can all know Her…
The contempt of judgmental Christians is a powerful solvent, acting upon the souls of their gay and lesbian children. How horrible it would be to be the son or daughter of a “religious” person and know that as they railed on about homosexuals they were unknowingly speaking with hatred about you. How destructive, how wounding.
My parents love me. My parents know that I am a spiritual person. My parents did not unknowingly speak out in judgment and unwittingly destroy me.
And because of this I know that those parents who do stoop to hate-speak, who are not afraid to exercise their intolerance in front of their children, simply do not know Her. They do not know the loving compassion and forgiveness that is “God.”
As someone whose soul was not destroyed, dissolved in this way, I want all of you who have been wounded to hear me, and trust me, and believe me when I say to you:
Your parents and all the Christians that judge and berate you are dead wrong to do so. Dead wrong. Jesus did not judge you as unworthy; Jesus hung around with and loved all people. And more than that, Spirit created you in Her own beautiful grace-filled image. And you are so very worthy of love.
Maybe eventually you will be able to look at your parents and know that they are only afraid, and confused, and desperate. You can know that they are only human. You can see yourself as wounded. You can acknowledge your pain and disappointment. Eventually maybe you can forgive them and learn to love them in a way they may not ever be able to love you.
Times are slowly changing. Eventually love and forgiveness will dissolve their fear. Eventually judgmental and wounding Christians (and those of other religions) will not be able to turn their backs on Her. Eventually they will come to know Her and in doing so they will finally be able to love all people.

Marg Herder is web developer for Evangelical & Ecumenical Women’s Caucus (  For more of Marg Herder’s story, see my earlier blogpost: Also, for more of Marg’s inspiring story and prophetic, creative work, see her website:




2 thoughts on “Changing Church: Marg Herder, “We Can Know Her,” Timely Song and Commentary

  1. A beautiful song, Merg, and I appreciate your comments: your empathy, your hopefulness, your love for others comes through clearly. So happy to know you and consider you a friend. (And thanks to Jann for sharing this with us!)

  2. Thank you, Melanie, for your comment. Yes, Marg’s song and commentary are so hopeful, loving, and beautiful. God’s love is overcoming as more people get to know HER!

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